Family Ties

I used to love that show. Some say my oldest son is a bit (or more than a bit) like Alex P. Keaton. This past weekend I had the pleasure of being with a family that is bound together like no other. It was the b’nai mitzvah of 2 first cousins – a girl and a boy. Their fathers are brothers. Their mothers have been thick as thieves since they were babies. The grandmothers have been friends forever. All the siblings of the parents were not only there, but really there. There were cousins and friends and hugs and joy. There were three sets of grandparents. And there were days, yes days, of festivities. But what strikes me the most is the togetherness. This family – the extended family – never seems to tire of each other. They are so grateful for their time and experiences. It is truly amazing.

(Did I mention how well the b’nai mitzvah kids did? they were awesome!)

The hard part for me (and some others, I’ll bet) – though difficult to admit – is the jealousy. To see such love and admiration in a family – aunts and uncles, cousins, grandparents, parents, siblings – is heartwarming admittedly. My family loves each other – my siblings, parents, our kids, blah blah blah. And I have a great relationship with Andrew’s parents and a great friendship with his sister who lives close by. But we don’t hang out for 3 days with our entire extended clan. (okay, maybe that’s alright.) We don’t write songs for each other and sing them publicly at our affairs, either. (They really do that, folks!) We don’t hang out with our entire extended clan at all. I have first cousins that I see at weddings and funerals and that is the extent of our relationship. My grandmother – the only grandparent I have left, is in assisted living. My brother, sister & I are all in different states.

Here’s the thing. My mother grew up in the same neighborhood (and sometimes the same house) as her grandparents, cousins, and all. They were very close. I grew up with both of my aunts and all their kids and my grandparents within 1-1/2 blocks. I really liked it. But now, we’re so spread out. It seems to me the whole world is so spread out. It’s cold and lonely. And sad. I miss everyone – they are a part of who I am.

I liken this family sprawl issue to spreading our lives too thin. Our kids are busy, we work too much, we never turn off our technology (yes, I send email at 5 am – but I have to! Otherwise, my colleagues and friends who sent me email at 2 am would think I’m a slacker). We need to make a date to see people – rarely, if ever, do we spontaneously get together. (Except for Melissa & her crew – thanks for that!) Do we all need so much that giving up our time and personal relationships is worth it? Not to me, it’s not.