Connecting

Though I frequently deny it, I am a social person. It’s not that I deny that I’m social per se, it’s more like I resist it. I stay in my office for hours on end, ignore phone calls from friends and family during the workday (sorry Mom) and often opt out of evening plans. I am admitting now that it’s really all self-defense.

The thing is… my friends/acquaintances are busy. They have other friends (better friends?). They have activities for their kids (if they have kids) or for themselves. Some have time-consuming hobbies and some travel frequently. So basically, they don’t have time for me. Now I know that sounds pitiful, and that’s not how I mean it. I mean that in this over-scheduled, highly competitive, fast-paced world that there seems to be little value to most people in slowing down and connecting with other people. And that is precisely what I crave.

Now here’s the rub. I don’t have time either. I take on more projects than I should – particularly the pro bono work. But giving back is so important to me. (And I think it’s important that the kids see that we give our time and money to help others.) And then there’s something that no one ever talks about – do the people that we want to be with want to be with us? Of course, I have some people with whom I really click. Those are easy. I’m talking about the people we see less often, but would like to know better. The mom from baseball who is so interesting and is working on her masters in education and making a total career shift. The woman at the gym who makes me laugh whenever I see her. You know what happens, we say “Let’s make plans to get together,” and then nothing happens. I admit, I feel like I’m in fifth grade when I try to make new friends. And I think about how Sarah, Sherry and Karen cut me out of their group in Miss Ossen’s class and told the boys I wore diapers. Ouch. That was 1974. It still is raw. (It wasn’t true, in case you were wondering.)

So what to do? Keep trying? Become more of a hermit? Act like it doesn’t matter? Be lonely? I know I am not alone in this. I suppose I can join a bowling league. Know any that play at 2:00 in the morning? I have time at 2:00 in the morning….