Arghhh.

Oscar, a friend of my parents, sent me these. It was the mental break I needed. Thought I’d share….

A bicycle can’t stand alone because it is two-tired.

What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

Every calendar’s days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. ‘Taint yours and ‘taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeet.