Not me.
Posted: February 20, 2006 Filed under: Uncategorized 7 Comments »I’m not a racist. Who doesn’t think that? I’ve been consumed lately with thoughts of racists and bigots. First, a story from years ago….
I was a newlywed – with hub#1. We were at one of his best friends’ house with 2 other couples. The host made a despicable comment about African Americans. Fortunately, I can’t remember what it was exactly anymore. I called him on it. Loudly and, maybe, a bit too aggressively. But I was offended. And I was raised to believe that not standing up was as good as agreeing. So I stood up. The rest of the even was, well, a little strained.
We got home, hub#1 and I, and he tore into me. How could I embarrass him that way? My response was how could he not think that his friend’s comments were unacceptable. At any rate, this was probably an important turning point. We’d been married about 2 months. Yikes.
I’ve never forgotten how that felt. To be with someone with whose compass pointed so polar opposite from mine. And over the years, I’ve listened. And when I’ve heard rumblings of hate or racism or bigotry of any kind, I’ve moved on. It hasn’t been hard. Fortunately, my road has taken me to wonderful places where I’ve met great people with open minds and worldly attitudes. I have some great friends. I’m very lucky.
But recently, I read some things and had some conversations that make me very sad. I worry that so many are willing to consider some kinds of bigotry acceptable. And that they blame entire groups of people for the actions of a small subset. And even worse, that people are willing to hate on hearsay.
I don’t have a place this conversation is leading. I don’t know what to do with it really. I just can’t stop wondering if there is anything we can do. Anything I can do.
If nothing else, I can’t let my kids learn this. No matter what.
Some tough stuff. I can’t quite tell what happened but I can tell it is upsetting to you. As it should be. Recently I was on the phone with a contractor to install some new windows and he said “we have great installers – all from THIS side of the border if you know what I mean..”
I was stunned. I said nothing. I kept replaying the comment in my head hoping to realize he meant something inoffensive. He was so nice. I don’t know, sometimes I expect racist comments to only come from skinheads or dickheads. This guy was neither. Or rather, both.
He’s not installing my windows, by the way.
timely topic. i saw an oprah show the other day about a new show – changing races. a white couple becomes black (makeup, dialect coaches) and the black couple becomes white (same deal). their experiences were so intriguing and i’ve been thinking about this lately, too.
one of the things i think it that we’re ALL prejudiced. we all have ideas and preconceptions about other races/genders/sexes/etc. everyone does. it’s human nature. the problem comes when you discriminate based on the those prejudices. at least that’s what i think (for now).
What a loaded topic.
I’ve been thinking about race issues lately because the weekly Torah portion – Mishpatim – talks about the ownership of slaves, and the laws surrounding that. In other words, the Torah gives a green light to slavery. Not to mistreatment, mind you, but to the concept in general.
This made me think of the horrific African American experience of slavery (which DID involve a lot of mistreatment, unfortunately). It also made me think about how most people unquestionably think slavery is unacceptable.
This got me wondering. If G-d is talking about slavery, and giving laws to govern it, then how can it be morally wrong? (I want to be clear again here – I am NOT referring to mistreatment or cruelty in enslavement. Just the idea of one person “owning” another.)
This segues into another idea, of questioning our thoughts and ideologies. I think we need to look at each case of racism and say “I wonder why the person felt that way?” I think, in the name of liberalism and equality, we have been forced to squash feelings. Everybody has to be hunky dory and everything has to be sunshine and rainbows.
For example – In the Brooklyn ghetto where I lived, which was Chassidic and Black, there was a considerable amount of violence and crime (and we even had riots). It was NEVER Jews against Blacks. It was always Blacks against Jews, or Blacks against other Blacks. So if I was in the unfortunate situation where I had to walk home at night alone, I would feel pretty nervous if there was a Black guy walking behind me. I wouldn’t feel nervous if a Chossid was. Am I allowed to have my fears, or are they unacceptable because they might be slighting another group?
Am I a racist?
I think the best thing we can do is teach our kids by example. But as you found out in your first marriage, it’s opening up a can of worms if you call someone on their racism.
My kids are half Chinese and I dread the day they come home from school and ask, “mommy, what’s a Chink?” or other derogatory term for Asian people.
It is a tough topic. Is intolerance to Race and Religion getting worse or is it that with the technology we just hear and see it broadcast & reported more? Either way it is a long standing problem for a country, based on individual freedoms.
I feel confident that my children have racial and religious tolerence. And as a family we talk about what we see on the news.
But, how to make it better?
What’s needed are a million personal conversations between ordinary Americans. Many people I think avoid being pulled in to those conversations and don’t want to show “alliance”. Given the choice, we’d rather not talk about it. But given the state of things, we should try.
Good Post!
Speaking up is probably the best thing you can do — and you kids will learn what is right from your actions.
I respect that you spoke up. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t.
The times that I don’t speak up, I keep re-playing it in my head, wondering why I was silent.