Yellowed love.
Posted: February 13, 2012 Filed under: family, love Leave a comment »
I never met my grandfather. He died January 1, 1958 leaving my grandmother a very young widow.
I don’t know why I absolutely love this 1.5″ plastic shamrock, marked on the back Chevrolet/Essex, MD. He wrote a note:
TO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD
and taped it with transparent tape, which is far from transparent all these years later.
Happy (almost) Valentine’s Day.
Entering his 9th decade.
Posted: January 20, 2012 Filed under: family 2 Comments »In 2006 and 2007 and 2011 I wrote about my dad on his birthday.
This year, as he enters his 9th decade, I just want to post the cake I made for him. 
Happy Birthday, Dad.
I’m a little ashamed.
Posted: January 19, 2012 Filed under: family, memories 2 Comments »I should have been glad to see her. I should have been friendly.
I should have said hello.
But I didn’t.
I should have asked how she’d been. I should have told her she looks so much like her mother did.
But I didn’t.
She couldn’t see me. But I could see her. It’s always been that way. And I let it stay that way today.
I’m not proud.
But I just couldn’t bring myself back to look into the past. Or rather, I chose not to.
Why?
Posted: January 12, 2012 Filed under: family, parenting, the boys 2 Comments »
photo credit: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/doctor-a
I was checking email. Voicemail. After all, it was during work hours and, though I hadn’t stopped for lunch, I was feeling guilty for taking the half hour to attend to the boys’ dental needs.
I heard the dad say, “I have too much work to do.”
And then, the girl’s whisper stopped me in my tracks.
Why don’t you just tell them, “no?”
And then, without even looking up, he answered. His response was like a punch in the stomach. “I’m responsible for everything. You just don’t understand.”
And I think he was right. She didn’t. She sat, staring ahead. Holding back tears.
I am not going to sit here (while my kids want my attention) and say that I won’t ignore them, work too hard, take on too much.
I probably will.
But this will stick with me. And I’ll keep working on being more present and more available.
Independence is the goal, right?
Posted: January 6, 2012 Filed under: family, kids, parenting 3 Comments »
Photo credit: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/shilders
As parents, Andrew and my primary goals have been to raise our boys to be independent, free-thinking, productive, and happy. That has always been our dream.
Always.
But maybe I was hasty.
I’d like to revise my wish to independent, free-thinking, productive, and happy as long as they agree with me.
Having teenagers is harder than I thought it’d be.
Happy judgment-free holidays to you.
Posted: December 23, 2011 Filed under: family, girlfriends, kids, memories, mood, parenting, work 8 Comments »I came across a post I wrote 6 years ago today. And it still resonates. I mean, really. What the heck is balance anyway? My boys were 7, 8, and 10 at the time. A lot has changed in our world.
But not that much.
Parts of Speech
[originally posted 12/23/05]
Judging others is a dangerous hobby. Without all the facts (and you never have all the facts) it is impossible to understand someone’s decisions, motives, choices on all fronts. Now that doesn’t mean that we can’t relate to others’ issues, challenges, etc. Two things I’ve learned over the years come to mind:
1) You don’t know what happens in someone else’s house.
2) Never say “I never would…” in reference to someone else’s choices. You might one day when faced with the same situation.
I’ve been stewing about something that happened the other day. In order to let it go, I’ve decided to write about it. I drove some kids (including some of my own) to an after-school class. One of the kids was unable to carry his stuff in, so I dropped them all off, parked the car, and, sans coat, trekked across the parking lot to bring the kid his stuff. I was cold. I had a sick kid at home I wanted to get back to. My father had a procedure that day and I couldn’t go sit with my mom while she waited because of my kid at home who needed me. My work was behind schedule due to the same sick kid and the construction noise at the house was really getting to me and to that same sick kid, who cried about his head hurting for hours. You get the picture – the day was not a cake walk. (I always wanted to say cake walk – I hope I used it correctly!)
Walking into the school, I ran into a friend. Not a “hang out all the time” friend, but someone I like and socialize with occasionally. After saying hello, she took a hard look at me and said:
Balance is a verb.
It felt like a punch in the stomach. She has balance so never looks harried? I am unbalanced? I am incapable of managing my life? What exactly was this wisdom she was (unsolicited, I might add) presenting to me? She had no idea what I had done for the past month, let alone for the day. I was really irritated. How superior.
After a day I asked a close friend, who I respect tremendously, what she thought. She said:
Bitch is a verb too.
Happy Erev Chanukah. Merry Christmas Eve. I’m planning on a judgment-free holiday.
Night #3
Posted: December 22, 2011 Filed under: family, memories 4 Comments »
When the boys were little, we had a part-time nanny named Sarah. She was wonderful and I was so grateful for her.
I believe she made these candles with the boys in 2001, though it might have been 2000. They’re colored cellophane and construction paper. Nothing fancy, but very clever.
Obviously, I liked them since I still have them. Every year, we put them up, one candle at a time. And they make me smile.
I wonder if Sarah imagines that we still embrace the wonderful projects she did with the boys all those years ago?
It helps to get it off your chest.
Posted: December 21, 2011 Filed under: family, Food, memories 4 Comments »
Photo credit: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/daveg147
Those of you who know me know that I seriously dislike (read: despise or abhor) mustard.
It’s the smell. Oh, and the taste.
And while it’s not always been easy – as mustard is pretty darn ubiquitous – I’ve managed to keep it out of my mouth for the most part, save a vinaigrette now and again.
But life hasn’t always been this sunny.
And today, I confronted my demons.
When I was a kid, my mother used to make doctored baked beans. That means that she took a can of Heinz and added stuff to it to make it taste better. Or so she said. When directly confronted, she told me that there was no mustard used in the creation of this delicacy.
But it tasted like mustard to me. And one day I caught her.
Fast forward a bit and there’s the crab imperial. Another denial, but I knew better. There was definitely mustard in that dish. No doubt.
Today, more than 35 years later, I told her I knew what she’d done. And how it has affected my life. How I may never recover. And you know what? She doesn’t remember at all. (Though she did apologize.)
Of course, she is forgiven. (And I hope she realizes this post is all in fun.) But it’s a great reminder that our kids know what we’re up to and they’re hip to our game. (Always wanted to say that.)
So don’t lie to your kids. Not even about mustard.
50 lessons and 50 blessings.
Posted: October 5, 2011 Filed under: cooking, diet, family, friends, girlfriends, memories, mood, morals, pain, parenting, procrastination, Spouse 2.0, the boys, travel, Uncategorized, work Leave a comment »What is it about big milestones that make us want to make lists?
I was planning to write about 50 lessons I’ve learned over the years and tell you about 50 blessings in my life.
I’m sure I’ve learned more than 50 things and I can assure you I have more than 50 wonderful things and people in my life.
Instead, I’m going to go all minimalist here.
I’m grateful for all the people who have taught me anything – good or bad.
I’m grateful for the people who love me. And for the people I love. I think there’s a lot of overlap there.
I’m grateful for knowledge. And for being told I’m wrong so I can try harder.
I’m over the moon grateful for my sons. And my husband.
And for the ones who’ve stuck by me no matter what.
I’m thankful for the 9am phone calls. I’m thankful for the peace in my home.
I’m thankful for my work, which I love. And the clients who trust me.
It never occurred to me that I’d be 50 one day.
Crazy, I know.
But here I am.
And I’m grateful for where I’ve been and I can’t wait to see where I go.
