That stinks.

Okay. True confessions time.

Growing up, I never used deodorant, well almost never. I did use it at camp so I wouldn’t stand out as a loser who didn’t need deodorant. That’s why I started to shave, also, by the way. I’m so proud.

So my mom would buy me that girly deodorant – the brand everyone used. And it sat there on the shelf. Truth is, I didn’t stink.

I know, it’s hard to believe. But it’s true. I can’t stand that sweaty smell and I would’ve used it if I needed it – just for my own benefit.

But I didn’t need it.

Until about last year. At age 44.

That’s when my hormones started going berserk (I love that word) and now I actually use the stuff in my medicine cabinet.

When I first started needing it, I used Andrew’s roll-on Ban. It was fine. But wet. Know what I mean? Ewww. Then, I bought a Lady Speed Stick that says ‘won’t get white crap on your clothes’ but you know what? It does. Why would you say that on your package if it wasn’t true?

No wonder advertisers get a bad name.

Anyway, then, I got Secret Super Extra Power Gel That Also Won’t Get White Crap on Your Clothes. The gel is (okay, don’t laugh) kind of fun. It oozes out the top of the container. Hee hee.

And it doesn’t get white crap on my clothes. And it keeps me from smelling like a camel at the gym.

So yesterday got busy. I came home from the gym and ended up at my computer all day and into the evening.

When I got in the shower, the deodorant wouldn’t wash off. No seriously, it was weird.

So I decided that maybe it was because I was using fru-fru soap so I got the DEODORANT soap like what else – duh – that should wash off deodorant. It’s made specially for it. Right?


It didn’t work. I felt so sticky. Maybe I needed sandpaper.

So I yell (daintily, I’m sure) out for Andrew.

“Are you there? Does this happen to you? Does your deodorant get stuck on you?”

I waited for him to laugh. He didn’t.

“I use shampoo,” he yelled back.

“Really?” I asked.

“Your red is in boulders?” he answered.

“Excuse me? What boulders?”

“No, use my Head & Shoulders.”

And I did. And it worked.

Am I the only woman this has happened to? Why didn’t I know about this? I feel so…. out of touch!


11 thoughts on “That stinks.

  1. This is funny. But not. It probably doesn’t stain clothing because it’s made to not come off of your skin (sort of troubling, that). Try Degree for Women, Ultra Clear. They sell it a Costco in a five-pack. It certainly isn’t perfect in terms of no clothing marks, but it does come off in the shower, even with fru fru soap, which you know I use. Actually these days I’m using a fig and apricot ‘Get Fresh’ bodywash, which Celia brought me as a gift. I liked it so much, I ordered my own.

  2. I am incredibly envious! I need deodorant to sit on the couch. But I have never had a problem getting it to wash off. I use the Mitchelum roll-on. Rob uses the Old Spice Stick and that washes off easily too.

  3. see, this is why i love you. and we’ve never even met 🙂 i think this stuff, and you write it! if i wrote this post, it would be just like if i wore a bikini in the grocery store. “did you SEE what the rebbetzin wrote on her blog?” my other current favorite post of your was about tampons. 😉

  4. Twilight zone music, please: I just told Clint less than a week ago (while we were shopping for it) that this is the first year I’ve ever used deodorant; I never needed it before. He kept saying “what do you mean you never used deodorant?” and I kept insisting I never needed it before this year (My 44th year). I had my first drip of sweat down my forehead this year also.

    I’m a woman now.

    I’ve settled on Secret Gel in Mystic Rain scent. I haven’t noticed that it doesn’t wash off.

  5. I’ve always needed to use deodorant – does this mean I’ll need it even more in a few years??

    I use Dove Ultimate Clear Fresh Deodorant – I don’t put it on until after I get dressed so I don’t have a problem with the white marks (yes they LIE) and it washes off easily.

    My problem is trying to wash off Coppertone Sport Sunblock Spray, it requires major exfoliation!

  6. I bought this deodorant called “Light Breeze” because I thought it was as close to unscented as you could get. Once I put it on, though, I realized that “Light Breeze” is short for “Light Breeze Blowing Through a Perfume Factory.” Why is it so hard for someone to come up with an unscented deodorant? Don’t know how well it washes off because I never bathe. Haha, that’s just a laugh line. I bathe once a week.

  7. Nicely written post but…
    Wait! I thought deodorant soap was soap with a deodorant component (it’ll destinkify ya) versus a soap to remove deodorant. Have I been in a dream state?
    Also, even though I buy supposedly invisible deodorant, I also invest in Shout Wipes which are these miracles towelettes that briskly remove the white deodorant streaks from my clothing.
    Welcome to perimenopause. Wait ’til the night sweats kick in! Eep!

  8. Hello! read about your blog in Mslexia and had to check it out (being nosy like that). Nope this has never happened to me but I wear the spray on stuff, thanks for the tip I try to avoid stuff that wont part with my body when I want it to!

  9. this is so bizarre! i’ve been thinking about writing a post about deodorant, and here i see you beat me to the punch.

    anyway – have a good and sweet (smelling?) year!

  10. Ladies…

    Although I’m in the midst of full-fledged menopause — hot flashes and all — I actually need less deodorant now than I did when I was younger!

    Bodies (and hormones) are STRANGE THINGS…


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