Selective memory.

I just found out a friend and colleague of mine is pregnant for the first time. She is the age I was when I was pregnant with Davis. She is in the same career I was. Oddly, she is a lot like me in a lot of ways. Ambitious. Outgoing. Confident.

And she thinks that, while life will change and she’ll have child care issues and the like, that in many ways her life will be the same.

It won’t.

You know that and I know that.

But we all know, too, that there is no telling a woman that she is going to change BIG TIME when she is not ready to believe.

And believe me, she is not ready.

A very old, dear friend of mine had her first son after all three of mine were born. She called me and said she finally understood. It made an impression on me.

Almost as much of an impression as the fact that before Davis was born, she sent me a gift – a city bag (like a sportsac) and A Very Long Engagement to read ‘during labor.’

I couldn’t make that up. Seriously.

I laughed and laughed and laughed. And I put it away.


I sent it to her just before her first son was born. To read during labor.

She was able to laugh at herself for sending it in the first place. And to laugh at me for sending it back. And, of course, I knew that she just didn’t know.

It’s like that with kids. No way to know…until you know.

That’s why I think it’s really helpful to have friends with kids just a little older than yours. It’s great to peak into the future so you can prepare yourself for the things to come.

I love my kids. I love my life.

But it bears no resemblance to the life I thought I’d be living now. That doesn’t mean I’m disappointed. I’m not.

I couldn’t be happier.


4 thoughts on “Selective memory.

  1. I hear you! I have tried countless times to warn pregnant women in my caseload of the changes to come but they mostly all think I am a slightly mad midwife and humour me until I see them again with their second child! Then I console them!

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