I admit it.


I cried today. Ugh. I am such a sap.

We were at the pool. Just the boys and me. I was reading the Kellerman thriller and they were swimming. And then it hit me.

Two of my babies are leaving tomorrow for 2 weeks. I won’t see them, talk to them, hug them, or even yell at them for 2 whole weeks.

I remember (secretly) making fun of a great friend of mine when she’d get sad about her kids away. I thought, “I would KILL for a week alone in my house,” but maybe my perspective was skewed by having preschoolers. Maybe? Ha!

Of course it was skewed. As I get older and experience more, I realize that it is impossible to put yourself in someone’s shoes.

Sure, you might know how you’d react in certain situations. But you can’t know – really know – what it is to send your oldest to college until you do. Or what it feels like when you child does something amazing or even when it’s like to say goodbye for 2 weeks. Unless you have.

You might have an idea.

But you don’t know.

At least I didn’t.

If you don’t know me well or haven’t known me long (or don’t even really know me at all), you surely don’t know that I never wanted kids.

Blasphemy.

I was always career-driven. Even as a kid, I was ambitious. And as I grew into a teenager and beyond, I decided that kids were – well? Inconvenient.

So shoot me.

But one day, I woke up and knew I had to have children. It wasn’t until just before I married Andrew. I don’t know what happened. It was odd. I seriously had no idea what having children entailed. All I knew was how to make it happen.

And we had our first in June ’95, another in June ’97, and yet another in November ’98.

Nothing like making up for lost time. And no one better ever say I don’t set my mind to doing something right. Three in less that three & a half years.

And I liked it. Actually, I loved it. And I was a good mom. (Even my mother was a little surprised how well I took to a job I hadn’t previously coveted.)

The thing about being a mom is that it never stops. Not for a second. Not when they’re in school or sleeping or at a friend’s house or out riding a bike. But most of the time – at least when they’re still young-ish – they’ll be back with me soon.

But now I have to wait two weeks. I know they’ll be having a blast. Doing stupid boy stuff. Playing sports. Eating a ton. Hanging out.

And you’ll find me online at the camp website looking for happy pictures of them posted. (How did our parents live without online photos of us?)

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6 thoughts on “I admit it.

  1. I’ve heard that tends to happen, even to those people who previously said they didn’t want kids. Two weeks is definitely a long time for them to be gone!

  2. nice post wendy. time to cry, you needed it.

    you are so very right. we have a tendency to think we will be immune to the behavior we thought silly in others. until we get there.

    and i have news for you, my daughter leaves more than she is home at this point. i new it would be like last june when she graduated HS. maybe that is why i cried every 20 minutes that month 😉

    as proud and happy as i am for her to have grown into such a secure, solid young woman, the honest truth is i just sleep a lot better when she is in her bed across the hall.

  3. Aw hon, I would have been right there with you. Kate hasn’t been to sleep away camp yet but I totally do understand what you are saying. When my kids were “young,” I was so desperate for time away. DESPERATE, I tell you! However, now that they are older, it is just different. They went to their grandparents for five days and I really did miss them. Well, not so much the first day and a half but after that I missed them so much. When they are super young, they are so needy. Now, they are COMPANIONS and I enjoy their company and their thoughts.

    I can tell you one thing for sure, though…they will most certainly come home with a newfound appreciation and respect for their mama!

    Leeann
    ps- is this the same camp that Sean is going to? Or different?

  4. Aaah, yes, the highly anticipated 2 week break. For me, it is a needed break from the boys fighting. For them it is a break from much of our rules. Either way, there is something about the 2 week break that strengthens our bonds. I miss the sound of them breathing ( well, snoring, really) when I pass by their rooms at night. I even miss to occasional wet towel on the floor after they shower. I know they miss me and my husband, but mostly the puppy. We get a letter or two, but most of my updates come from searching for their happy faces on the web site. I count down the days until they come home, then BAM! Re-entry is upon us and they start fighting as soon as we pull up to the house. When does camp start next summer???

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