I admit it. I kind of am. But that doesn’t mean to say that I am not going to chime in.
Because I am.
Going to chime in, that is.
This morning, I had to go to the high school to pick up a book. High school. Oh my.
And before I go on to tell you my stream of thoughts, I want to explain that I was supposed to pick up this book in June. I believe June 25 was the deadline. Who was asked to pick this up? The incoming student? No. The letter was mailed and directed to me. For a variety of reasons (which to me seem valid and reasonable…and irrelevant) I did not pick up the book by June 25. In fact, until yesterday, I did not believe I had been given any such instruction.
But I digress.
I went to the main office of the school and a very nice school secretary (who looked familiar from the sports or around here somewhere) helped me. I didn’t know who to ask for or anything and she made some calls and tracked down the teacher. I wonder if she noticed that I was a nervous wreck.
Guessing it was hard to miss.
I was still talking a mile a minute, and her phone rang. While she helped the next parent, she took out a map of the school and circled my destination and put a star marking the office where we were. I took the map, mouthed ‘thank you,’ and left.
It wasn’t hard to follow the map.
But then there was a crossroads. Should I take the road less taken? It wasn’t clear on the map. Oh wait, there were room numbers over the hallway entrances – reminiscent of the MGM Grand Hotel in Las Vegas.
I got lost there. too.
Sweating profusely, I carefully considered each turn and finally arrived at my destination.
I was hoping it would be Room 222 – the song was totally in my head.
But again, I digress.
The teacher was helpful and kind. She didn’t even say, “do you have a calendar where you come from?” or anything. And I sincerely got the feeling she was not going to fail my kid because of my mistake.
I left with the book (all 20 lbs. of it) in my arms.
But the sweating didn’t stop. Sure it was hot and humid out, but the A/C was running, I’m quite sure. I was stressed out.
Seriously stressed out.
And then, the flash back.
Going up the wrong stairway and being late for class in 10th grade. I had no idea where I was going. I couldn’t find the room. At first there were people in the hallway and then, poof, it was empty but I still had not found my class. My eyes teared up and I started to breath louder.
Until I saw it. I found it. And I opened the door as quietly as I could thinking I could get to a seat undetected and the nightmare would all be over… when the teacher stopped the class and everyone turned to stare. “Ms. Goldman, thank you for joining us today.” (In my recurring dream it’s Mrs. Kershman but I really don’t think it was. I think she was my 11th grade English teacher. Laurie?)
I wander the halls in my dreams still. And when this all came back to me, as I walked from the school, the tears came again.
How can I let my baby go through this?