Happy judgment-free holidays to you.

I came across a post I wrote 6 years ago today. And it still resonates. I mean, really. What the heck is balance anyway? My boys were 7, 8, and 10 at the time. A lot has changed in our world.

But not that much.

Parts of Speech

[originally posted 12/23/05]

Judging others is a dangerous hobby. Without all the facts (and you never have all the facts) it is impossible to understand someone’s decisions, motives, choices on all fronts. Now that doesn’t mean that we can’t relate to others’ issues, challenges, etc. Two things I’ve learned over the years come to mind:

1) You don’t know what happens in someone else’s house.
2) Never say “I never would…” in reference to someone else’s choices. You might one day when faced with the same situation.

I’ve been stewing about something that happened the other day. In order to let it go, I’ve decided to write about it. I drove some kids (including some of my own) to an after-school class. One of the kids was unable to carry his stuff in, so I dropped them all off, parked the car, and, sans coat, trekked across the parking lot to bring the kid his stuff. I was cold. I had a sick kid at home I wanted to get back to. My father had a procedure that day and I couldn’t go sit with my mom while she waited because of my kid at home who needed me. My work was behind schedule due to the same sick kid and the construction noise at the house was really getting to me and to that same sick kid, who cried about his head hurting for hours. You get the picture – the day was not a cake walk. (I always wanted to say cake walk – I hope I used it correctly!)

Walking into the school, I ran into a friend. Not a “hang out all the time” friend, but someone I like and socialize with occasionally. After saying hello, she took a hard look at me and said:

Balance is a verb.

It felt like a punch in the stomach. She has balance so never looks harried? I am unbalanced? I am incapable of managing my life? What exactly was this wisdom she was (unsolicited, I might add) presenting to me? She had no idea what I had done for the past month, let alone for the day. I was really irritated. How superior.

After a day I asked a close friend, who I respect tremendously, what she thought. She said:

Bitch is a verb too.

Happy Erev Chanukah. Merry Christmas Eve. I’m planning on a judgment-free holiday.


8 thoughts on “Happy judgment-free holidays to you.

  1. I LOVE this. So looking back, she was a bitch, right? I crack up just thinking of you calling someone a bitch.

    Balance is something we have only in the moments when the world is not on fire. When it is we have chaos, calamity and crisis… the 3 c’s.

    The bitch with balance has the 3 c’s too. Hopefully when you run into her while it is happening you can tell her that it will pass and offer her a shot of vodka or a piece of chocolate. Or both.

    1. You’re funny! Actually, she’s not and I didn’t call her one, of course! – but it wasn’t her finest moment. I prefer bourbon. And chocolate. 🙂

  2. I just popped over from the BlissDom Community Leaders page. I’m excited (and a litle nervous) for my first BlissDom in 2012! What a lovely surprise to read this post about being judgment-free.

    I have never found judgment to be useful in my life, not only because I never have all the details of someone else’s experience, and also because whenever I judge someone else I know I’m too busy paying attention to someone else’s business to mind my own.

    The only way I know to live a happy, healthy and, yes, balanced life is to keep my focus on my attitudes and actions and not trouble myself with anyone else’s- it’s not like I can do anything about them anyway!

    Have a grateful day!


    1. Chrysta – thanks for visiting! I’m with you – plenty in my own life to be minding without taking the time to be judging others. Great point!

      Don’t be nervous – it’s a wonderful and warm conference. Let’s find each other and say hi in person! See you soon! ~wendy

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